Happy Friday to you honey puffs!
Today I'd like to give you a semi-food related post... But mostly a pondering I can't seem to stop fixating on.
As I announced in this post, I'm moving to Toronto in a month and a half. A month and a half!!!
The last time I remember mentioning the potential move to my friends, it was still 6 months in far and semi-distant future. Then suddenly.. Wammo! 6 Weeks punches me in the face! Holy crap!
Obviously I've doing a lot of thinking about the move: looking for a place to live, applying for jobs, making lists of addresses to be changed, booking movers, packing our things, giving away the crap we don't need, etc. It's a lot to take on.
But the true challenge for me in this move is... where should I put it? My heart. My head. My bliss.
I feel like I have two sides to me that are in a constant tug-o-war over my happiness.
My heart soul belongs here:
Peacefulness. Green. Birds. Brisk early morning sunshine. Vegetables. I imagine a cute little lake in the mist with chickens pecking their little ber-gawky (chicken noise) way through the farm.
Days are simple and quiet. There's writing, tea (or bourbon, depending on the afternoon), cow milking, dogs barking, deer in the front yard, wild overgrown yards, quaint adventures. The floors creak, cool Summer breezes flow freely through open windows and there's a certain carefree yet purposeful enjoyment to each moment.
When Autumn hits the crunch of leaves under your feet is loud like the first food steps over the stillness and silence of a blanket of snowfall. There is nothing but that sound, the crisp air and the romance of the Earth.
It is uncomplicated. Unpopulated. And entirely fills my chest with a warmth that I can barely describe. I feel it in my pores. This is happiness.
So the issue? My urges and mind want to go here:
Toronto. Rush and bustle. Big city lights. Go Go Go. People. Concrete. Possibilities. Urban adventures. Think of the restaurants, live music and people I could meet. Every day is a new experience.
The anonymity of the city has a very romantic allure. I can walk the streets in the comfort of knowing I can look, do, or say anything I want and no one will know the difference. It is very freeing, that way. I can walk into any bar or book store or coffee shop and meet a new favorite dish or drink, enjoy it, just the two of us, leave, and it will be our little secret. Parts of me want more secrets.
There really is magic in wondering what is around the next corner... Hopefully it's not a mugger. And in not knowing what each day has in store for you. The smell of concrete, cobblestone, sun, markets and urban food is intoxicating - who knows where you will end up next?
And then of course...there is the city at night. The twinkling lights. The echos of laughter and traffic from your high rise apartment as the sound of music gently tickles your window panes. It is peaceful yet enticing. My favorite time in the city is just as the bars open on a Saturday night. Everyone is in good spirits, there is an aroma of hope and possibility, and no one is puking next to you yet. The city at night is a special time.
.....So you see? I'm conflicted. My heart wants the country with pigs and goats and sheep and chickens and dogs, while my head wants the unknown and adventure of an urban centre. Obviously, for now, I've chosen the latter. But where will this move lead me? Will I find my own piece of rurality in an urban oasis? Will I submit to the beauty of the city and leave all that farm business behind? Or will it send me running for the nearest undeveloped piece of land I can find?
There is so much beauty in the world... Where do you find yours?